Earlier today Aylin read me an article from one of those magazines that we occasionally subscribe to these days. The magazine article claimed that expectant fathers tend to plan far into the future as opposed to concerning themselves with more immediate issues and provided the following examples as typical male parenting concerns; what car the child is going to drive to the prom, what high school or college the child is going to attend, etc.
The "real" truth, of course, was clear to me in an instant. First, this article was written by a nice meaning but ambitious, not too cultured a woman in her late 20's or early 30's, with a journalism degree from a somewhat credible college. Secondly, the point of her article was absolutely a farce. I'll spare you the Holmesian details of my method of deduction on the writer’s character but I will just say that I found the article somewhat objectionable, even offensive. I didn't like being generalized with all the rest of the past and present male population of the world in a single statement. I, Kopuz Rifat Taskin Ustunkok, along with billions of other men, should be more complex than that. Shouldn’t we be?
Later on around 11 pm, Aylin now fast a sleep, I had already finished my complimentary glass of wine and was relaxing on the couch. Although my eyes were affixed to the TV screen, my mind was elsewhere. It was portraying a scene as clear as an IMAX theatre. My new family, 10 years from now, sailing on a brand new AMEL 54, a two mast French mansion on water, equipped with the latest electronic gadgetry of 21st century.
The ship smoothly slices through the waves with laser precision just like the dolphins swimming right in front of the bow surfing the wake of the boat. The dolphins remind me of the couple in Napoli who guided us down the highway for hours to the only open bank in the Campania region of Italy on a Sunday back in 1984. My mother had offered her gold necklace in gratitude but they politely refused, waved goodbye with a smile, and went on their marry way. I see the same smile on the dolphins as they guide us to whatever our destination may be.
What’s that? An awful noise from an abrasive TV commercial distracts me just to remind me that I've got to change the channel to the other program I am not really watching. It seems that in the U.S. of A. we are limited to approximately 15 minutes of fantasy at a time.
I struggle to go back to my perfect moment. Oh! Yes. It’s just before sunset. The aroma of dinner cooking in the galley wafts up to signal the time to anchor for the night. So, I furl the sails with the push of a button and motor towards our resting place for the night, one of the countless natural coves between Marmaris and Datca.
The Mediterranean is not like any other sea. Its salty sweet ozone smell is the perfect condiment to the cuisine that bares its name. That cuisine is as distinctive and diverse as the thousand civilizations that the Mediterranean has borne over millennia but the fact that all Mediterranean cultures share a common passion for food and a zest for life proves without a doubt that it was that cuisine that spurred on the civilizations rather than the opposite.
The Rose de Provence we got from Cote d’Azur a few weeks prior would be the perfect wine with the Red Snapper that’s just about to be served. I grab the wine from the wine cellar and I hear Aylin calling our…. kid,, boy--?/ girl--/? She yells out a name but it is mumbled. I can't make it out. Panic strikes. I don't know our child’s name. As a matter of fact, I don't know my child. There is a 10 year old in the aft room, playing, and I have no idea who that person is or looks like. In a total fit of frustration, I go back to scrolling through the TV channels to find something to watch before joining Aylin in bed.
It is that “Space Time Continuum” conundrum that is my problem with the aforementioned article. Maybe all men tend to fantasize about the future as I caught myself doing last night. But that is because we, just like all the mothers of the world, want to make sure that our children live in prosperity, comfort, and safety. There is no other thing in the world that would make us more content than being able to prepare for all the contingencies, find all the answers, and lay out the grand plan. But no matter how elaborate, thorough, and clever the plan may be, “Cope’s Uncertainty Principle” states that probability and time are in reverse relation to each other. Thus, even the best laid out plans will transform into fantasy and eventually to impossibility as time frame stretches towards infinity. The simplest of questions like which school to go to, or what car to drive to the prom are therefore theoretically impossible to plan for. I maybe totally wrong with my character evaluation of the writer but I am certain of the fact that with a weak foundation long term plans don't stand a chance when even fantasies fail. We’ll just have to plan one day at a time, males and females alike.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Special Moments
A "special moment". You know, that moment in time that life just couldn't be any better. We all have them from time to time. I can easily list about 10 in a heartbeat......
Yes, in a heartbeat. On most occasions these moments are spontaneous, at least they have been for me. A by chance look at a setting sun, an unexpected caressing touch of a loved one, a sweet forgotten smell full of memories, a fleeting moment of thought that sweeps us away and awakens us to life’s beauty and our good fortune, as if a gift for something done right.
But, this time, I knew that on July 26th, a little after 4 pm, I was going to have a very special moment. We had an appointment to see Dr.Galen Jones. I was finally going to hear the heartbeat of our baby. Aylin told me that the ultrasound device that they listen to the heartbeat is pretty loud so I expected that I could utilize any device with a microphone.
That choice used to be a lot easier in the old days. You could easily assume that the primary function of almost any device attached to a microphone was to record sound. Nowadays we are dropped inside a technological labyrinth peppered with multi functional gizmos that seem to do everything except windows – don’t you love the pun?
I spent two days contemplating on what device I should use to record the sound. It needed to be sensitive, practical, digital, and portable. I could use my PDA but I realized that I couldn’t transfer the file to my computer because I didn’t have the proper software. Next option ARCHOS AV500, my media player. It can hold over 100 movies, why couldn't it store a few seconds of heartbeat? Oh yeah, right, I messed up the OS so my laptop doesn't see it as an external drive anymore. What other device can I use to record my special moment? I know, the camera, the camera.
Yes, in an age when I can get my directions from my cell phone instead of stopping at a gas station, watch movies on my "walkman" instead of going to the theatre, order my half mushroom, half pepperoni, well done crispy pizza with an extra side of blue cheese from my laptop without talking to a person, why does it sound so strange that I can use a photo camera to record my baby's heartbeat electronically on a wave file? After all, aren't cameras made specifically to capture those special moments? Well, I am not disappointed. My camera once again captured a special moment. But this time, I will re-live that moment every time I listen to this…………
<bgsound src="c:\pics\En yeni Ustunkok\baby.wav" loop="0">
Yes, in a heartbeat. On most occasions these moments are spontaneous, at least they have been for me. A by chance look at a setting sun, an unexpected caressing touch of a loved one, a sweet forgotten smell full of memories, a fleeting moment of thought that sweeps us away and awakens us to life’s beauty and our good fortune, as if a gift for something done right.
But, this time, I knew that on July 26th, a little after 4 pm, I was going to have a very special moment. We had an appointment to see Dr.Galen Jones. I was finally going to hear the heartbeat of our baby. Aylin told me that the ultrasound device that they listen to the heartbeat is pretty loud so I expected that I could utilize any device with a microphone.
That choice used to be a lot easier in the old days. You could easily assume that the primary function of almost any device attached to a microphone was to record sound. Nowadays we are dropped inside a technological labyrinth peppered with multi functional gizmos that seem to do everything except windows – don’t you love the pun?
I spent two days contemplating on what device I should use to record the sound. It needed to be sensitive, practical, digital, and portable. I could use my PDA but I realized that I couldn’t transfer the file to my computer because I didn’t have the proper software. Next option ARCHOS AV500, my media player. It can hold over 100 movies, why couldn't it store a few seconds of heartbeat? Oh yeah, right, I messed up the OS so my laptop doesn't see it as an external drive anymore. What other device can I use to record my special moment? I know, the camera, the camera.
Yes, in an age when I can get my directions from my cell phone instead of stopping at a gas station, watch movies on my "walkman" instead of going to the theatre, order my half mushroom, half pepperoni, well done crispy pizza with an extra side of blue cheese from my laptop without talking to a person, why does it sound so strange that I can use a photo camera to record my baby's heartbeat electronically on a wave file? After all, aren't cameras made specifically to capture those special moments? Well, I am not disappointed. My camera once again captured a special moment. But this time, I will re-live that moment every time I listen to this…………
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The "Quickening"
Until today I've always thought that "Quickening" was the prize Connor MacLeod of clan MacLeod won after beating all the other immortals in the world. If you have no idea what I just said, you haven't seen the move "Highlander".
So, I was in total shock when I read about our Fethi the Fetus reaching quickening sometime in the second trimester. How could that be? How can Fethi be immortal without being born? Are there no other immortals left in the whole world thus making our child the default recipient of the big prize? How can it be that this pregnancy book is written only for Aylin and I? I had a lot of questions that needed to be answered.
As usual, I consulted my favorite repository of knowledge, Wikipedia. It describes quickening as the moment of the initial motion of the fetus in the womb as it is perceived or felt by the pregnant woman. For centuries, this first feeling of movement of the fetus by the expectant mother was considered to be the official beginning of the possession of "individual life" by the fetus.
You would think that I would have been disapointed to discover that Fethi the Fetus is not "the" immortal champion of the world. But no, not even the slightest bit. As a matter of fact, I feel completely the opposite way. Our child is achieving quickening, and I couldn't be happier, more satisfied or proud. It's the greatest prize that I can ever think of receiving. Take that Connor MacLeod.
By the way, for those of you who haven't seen the movie Highlander, it's worth renting just to see a French actor, Christopher Lambert, play a Scottish highlander and a Scotsman, Sean Connery, play a Spanish noble. Think about it.
So, I was in total shock when I read about our Fethi the Fetus reaching quickening sometime in the second trimester. How could that be? How can Fethi be immortal without being born? Are there no other immortals left in the whole world thus making our child the default recipient of the big prize? How can it be that this pregnancy book is written only for Aylin and I? I had a lot of questions that needed to be answered.
As usual, I consulted my favorite repository of knowledge, Wikipedia. It describes quickening as the moment of the initial motion of the fetus in the womb as it is perceived or felt by the pregnant woman. For centuries, this first feeling of movement of the fetus by the expectant mother was considered to be the official beginning of the possession of "individual life" by the fetus.
You would think that I would have been disapointed to discover that Fethi the Fetus is not "the" immortal champion of the world. But no, not even the slightest bit. As a matter of fact, I feel completely the opposite way. Our child is achieving quickening, and I couldn't be happier, more satisfied or proud. It's the greatest prize that I can ever think of receiving. Take that Connor MacLeod.
By the way, for those of you who haven't seen the movie Highlander, it's worth renting just to see a French actor, Christopher Lambert, play a Scottish highlander and a Scotsman, Sean Connery, play a Spanish noble. Think about it.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
End of the first trimester.
I believe this is the first 12 weeks in my life with a contiguous smile. Every time I think about Aylin, pregnancy, children, or anything else that reminds me of the above three, basically about everything else that is left in the universe, I can't help but start grinning.
In the past 12 weeks, we've followed our bean child Ziggy the Zygote grow up to become Fethi the Fetus. How wondrous it is that a few cells can evolve so quickly into a baby in front of our eyes.
Going into the second trimester, it is even more amazing to find out that Fethi the Fetus has all 20 teeth already developed, the brain is not quite the size it will be upon birth but still fully formed, intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to the abdomen, and Fethi is practicing bowel movements, even the pancreas is secreting insulin.
The changes on Aylin's body are as exciting. Her body is very busy trying to accommodate Fethi the Fetus’ needs. As a result she had been feeling tired and sleepy which is very normal for the first trimester. Entering the second trimester, her lethargy should diminish as her placenta takes over hormone generation. Which is good because now that her clothes are no longer starting to fit her, she is going to need that extra energy for shopping for a new wardrobe.
About shopping, pregnancy.baby-gaga.com says:
"The good news is some fashion designers are realizing that being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t look sharp, sexy, sporty, or whatever your particular style might be".
I've never seen Aylin not look sharp, sexy, sporty, or whatever her particular style do jour may be. She's got elan. Warning, here comes the grin, I even think she is more beautiful and sexy being pregnant. Heheee.
The same web site also states that this is no time to give up comfort and suffer for the sake of fashion. Good thing Aylin's got that fashion taste and sense because I would've settled for a mu'umu'u (more often spelled as muumuu or mumu, is a loose dress of Hawaiian origin that hangs from the shoulder; see Homer fig.). After all, what the mu’umu’u lacks in style, it makes up in functionality, comfort, strength, and longevity and Aylin would still look wonderful in it, at least in my eyes.......:)
In the past 12 weeks, we've followed our bean child Ziggy the Zygote grow up to become Fethi the Fetus. How wondrous it is that a few cells can evolve so quickly into a baby in front of our eyes.
Going into the second trimester, it is even more amazing to find out that Fethi the Fetus has all 20 teeth already developed, the brain is not quite the size it will be upon birth but still fully formed, intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to the abdomen, and Fethi is practicing bowel movements, even the pancreas is secreting insulin.
The changes on Aylin's body are as exciting. Her body is very busy trying to accommodate Fethi the Fetus’ needs. As a result she had been feeling tired and sleepy which is very normal for the first trimester. Entering the second trimester, her lethargy should diminish as her placenta takes over hormone generation. Which is good because now that her clothes are no longer starting to fit her, she is going to need that extra energy for shopping for a new wardrobe.
About shopping, pregnancy.baby-gaga.com says:
"The good news is some fashion designers are realizing that being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t look sharp, sexy, sporty, or whatever your particular style might be".
I've never seen Aylin not look sharp, sexy, sporty, or whatever her particular style do jour may be. She's got elan. Warning, here comes the grin, I even think she is more beautiful and sexy being pregnant. Heheee.
The same web site also states that this is no time to give up comfort and suffer for the sake of fashion. Good thing Aylin's got that fashion taste and sense because I would've settled for a mu'umu'u (more often spelled as muumuu or mumu, is a loose dress of Hawaiian origin that hangs from the shoulder; see Homer fig.). After all, what the mu’umu’u lacks in style, it makes up in functionality, comfort, strength, and longevity and Aylin would still look wonderful in it, at least in my eyes.......:)
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